i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
