so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
