I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
