Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
