omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she pinky promised me she was 18
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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