Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
