if i can run in heels then i can drive
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
