I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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