A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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