I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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