I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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