I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
