I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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