Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
