I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
