yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
