I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
