Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
