apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I skipped work to stalk him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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