I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think i have two assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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