Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
