ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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