i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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