took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
