Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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