dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
