This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Damn victory sex feels great
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
