my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
porn star boner night. come get it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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