I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Congratulations! We have a period
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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