I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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