Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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