Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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