i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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