i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
