Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
