I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
