I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
