I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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