then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize