fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
