Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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