Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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