You just made me feel so damn special
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
