I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
