Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
