I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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