her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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