I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
