I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
