This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
