A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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