I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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