I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
