I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
