I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
