dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
