Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
