What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
