How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my shit smells like andre
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
