it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
