dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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