love makes seman taste better
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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