I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
