Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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