Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
