All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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