chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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