the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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