She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
