So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Terrible idea I love it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
