Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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