i don't like sucking hair
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
