member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
