Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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