everyone is single if you try hard enough
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
