I think I won the penis lottery.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
