he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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