Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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