Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
