He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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