Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
