i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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