you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
