all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
