I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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