I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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