So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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