Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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