oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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