on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
